Jayson Werth is the Most Interesting Man in the World
In Philadelphia, Jayson Werth is viewed as the Most Interesting Man in the World. His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body. He once hit a baseball 615 feet, with his fist. In the minor leagues, he was tossing a no-hitter going into the ninth, only to have it broken up by himself. He once hit a single, just to see how it feels.
PHOTO CAPTION: A composite sketch of what Jayson Werth will look like in 40 years
How can you let this kind of talent walk away from your franchise? This is the question that Phillies fans will be debating for the rest of the season. Werth is going to demand a large sum of money this offseason when his contract expires and the chances Philadelphia retains his services seem to be very slim. Especially, with Ryan Howard just signing his monster deal last month. Is there any money left?
In the winter of 2007, he wrestled an American Bison at Great Bear Lake. Two days later he provided his teammates with new baseball gloves, which he made out of the bison’s skin. Under his beard, is another beard. Zeus and Poseidon read baseball myths about him. He once hit a double in the gap, knocking himself in. He doesn’t consider it ‘stealing a base,’ he’s taking back what’s rightfully his.
PHOTO CAPTION: Jayson Werth once visited the Virgin Islands, now they’re just called The Islands
There has to be money left. The Phillies can’t afford to lose all of his production from their lineup. Currently, he is second on the team in homeruns (7), and first in RBIs (25), and batting average (.349). Last year he hit 36 homeruns and knocked in 99. It will be very hard to replace those numbers. Especially, when he is the only right-handed hitter in the middle of the lineup. And I haven’t even spoken about his defense yet.
He is the only right fielder to ever toss a man out at home plate in Pittsburgh, throwing from Philadelphia. He once caught a baseball at the fence that also counted as a touchdown, and both feet were in. The warning track is not for him, it’s to warn the wall he’s coming. He plays ‘right’ field, because he’s never been wrong. He doesn’t dive for baseballs, he temporarily flies.
PHOTO CAPTION: Chuck Norris once borrowed Werth’s beard to wear in a movie
I truly believe that Jayson Werth will be back next year in Philadelphia. The amazing feats and talents that I have revealed in this article can’t be denied. An organization won’t let a man like this go to New York or Boston. Furthermore, a man like this won’t want to go to a place like New York or Boston. Jayson is part of Philadelphia like Philadelphia is part of him. The Phillies front office will find a way. Even if it means changing the city’s name to Werthadelphia.
That means he's out!
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That's the Rooster!
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He hit a ball up the middle and hit himself in the head sliding into second base? He's fast?
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[...] Howard Eskin of 610 WIP Sports Radio in Philadelphia tweets that the Philadelphia Phillies are actually considering moving centerfielder Shane Victorino so that they can afford to keep Jayson Werth, who is the most interesting player in baseball. [...]
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He once caught his own homerun while ordering a steak at TonyLuke's
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In the offseason, Jayson gets between mother bears and their cubs as a training exercise.
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Werth doesn't take transportation to away games, he magically appears.
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Werth never goes down on strikes, strikes go down on him.
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Werth's semen can form a liquid human…… One other person can claim the same thing…..SSSSSVABOTA
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That’s Peter SSSSSVABOTA for those who don’t know. He’s related to Dan SSSSSFORZA.
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Pitchers don't throw him curveballs, the balls just move away from the strike zone in sheer terror
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[...] with four homeruns and is currently second on the team in RBI’s for the season with 25 behind the Most Interesting Man in Baseball. SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Jimmy Rollins should be back next week", url: [...]
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[...] Centerfielder Shane Victorino has been batting lead off for the Phillies since Rollins’ absence and has started to heat-up as of late. The Flying Hawaiian is batting .302 with four homeruns and is currently second on the team in RBI’s for the season with 25 behind the Most Interesting Man in Baseball. [...]
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[...] Jayson Werth is the Most Interesting Man in the World | Off the Record (OTR) [...]
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[...] Werth would probably mean losing a lot of runs and baseball games. And you simply can’t lose the Most Interesting Player in the World. SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Phillies working on a deal for Werth?", url: [...]
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[...] Losing Werth would probably mean losing a lot of runs and baseball games. And you simply can’t lose the Most Interesting Player in the World. [...]
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I would bang him like a screen door in a tornado.
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classy !
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Get in line, girlie!
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How about the guys from OTR? That'd be awesome!
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