Mariotti pleads no contest

Remember Jay Mariotti? The uppity, holier-than-thou curmudgeon who does little for the sports landscape in America other than piss off just about every single fan? Remember when he got arrested on domestic violence charges?

Well, according to the LA Times, Mariotti pleaded no contest to a single misdemeanor charge of domestic violence. In exchange for his plea, the other six related charges were dropped.

“Jay is very pleased to have this matter behind him and is anxious to get back to work,” said Mariotti’s attorney Nick Hanna. “While we are confident he would have prevailed at trial, the process would have been long and expensive. Today’s resolution — a no contest plea to a low-level misdemeanor with all of the other charges dismissed — ends the matter once and for all.”

Mariotti will avoid jail time, but he did get three years probation. Along with that, he has 40 days of community labor and has to complete 52 weeks worth of domestic violence schooling.

Ouch! What will that do to your dating life? Some girl Jay met at a bar gives him a call and asks what he’s up to on Thursday. “Uhhhh….Thursday is no good for me.”

“Why?” she’ll reply.

“Uhhhhh……I uhhhhh….have class.”

“Oh!”, she’ll say. “I didn’t know you were going back to school. For what? MBA? Firefighter school? Getting a plumbing license?”

Yeah, your best bet at that point is to lie. There is no good answer for “I have a domestic violence class I can’t miss or else I’ll be thrown in jail on charges stemming from an incident where I roughed up my broad.”