OTR offices shaken by earthquake!
If you’re on Facebook, you have surely heard by now: The East Coast was rocked by a rare earthquake on Tuesday afternoon. And the OTR offices felt the tremors as hard or harder than anyone else.
“This is the single most significant event in our country’s history,” Micah Warren told OTR from his desk. “And Perry tried to pretend he was scared just to get sympathy from other people in the newsroom. That’s probably the most disappointing part of all of this.”
Photo Caption: “Jesus f’ing Christ, Ken! No, earthquakes don’t create that kind of stench. That was you! God dammit, it smells like low tide at a shit factory!”
During the rumble, several childhood swimming participation ribbons slid off of Perry’s desk, adding to the confusion.
“I really was terrified,” Perry said. “I didn’t know where they went. I could only find 25m freestyle. Back stroke and relays were gone forever until I found them.”
But, Perry wasn’t the only OTR staffer to get rattled. Warren’s computer shut off completely, after he just found the perfect picture online of a white girl taking it from a black guy and a Mexican at the same time.
“My browsing history is cleared and I don’t remember how I got to that site,” Warren said solemnly through hushed tears. “I guess it’s back to the drawing board. God natural disasters have such an awful effect on so many families.”
A visibly shaken Perry said that he’s taking the next month off to take advantage of more Applebee’s happy hours and to focus on more important things in life. He said the earthquake will be a thing of the past once he’s able to get a hold of some $0.50 wings.
