After pulling out of last week’s Wells Fargo Championship due to knee and Achilles tendon issues, Tiger Woods has announced that he will play in this week’s Player’s Championship.

Tiger missed this last week with what they called “a Grade 1 mild medial collateral ligament sprain to his left knee and a mild strain to his left Achilles tendon while hitting a difficult and awkward second shot from the pine straw under the Eisenhower tree left of the fairway at No. 17 during the third round of the Masters.”

Woods has only won the Player’s Championship one more time than the entire OTR staff combined. We think that says a lot about how good we are at golf. Sure, he’s only won the tournament once, but now you’re splitting hairs.

Tiger still hasn’t won anything since his wife chased him down with a nine iron and smashed his car windows to bits.

For people that can’t get enough of reading about other people’s personal lives, the new issue of People magazine should be right up your alley. It’s not enough that people like to watch Tiger Woods hit a golf ball, they have to know his ex-wife Elin’s innermost personal thoughts.

Elin Nordegren finally broke her silence since the Thanksgiving Day car crash and made a bunch of statements that are pretty much consistent with what you would think a divorcee would have to say after 24 hookers went public with their sexual relations with her husband.

“I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock, to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children,” Nordegren said.

The 30-year old mother of two goes on about how hurt she is and how she just wants to get through and blah blah.

“My immediate plan is for the kids and me to continue to adjust to our new situation. I am going to keep taking classes, but my main focus is to try to give myself time to heal,” she says.

The one thing everyone wanted to know, she wouldn’t talk about: How much money did you get out of this? She said something about the money not fixing her family, and she’s probably right. But I’d rather have a busted family and be loaded, than a busted family and broke. That would really suck. And as far as being poor with a broken family and a terminal illness? Well, we don’t even want to go there.

You can get more of her comments in the new People magazine, which hits shelves on Friday.

You may or may not have heard that the marriage of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren has been a little on the rocks lately. It got especially bumpy when Elin found out that Tiger was hiring hookers like it was his job.

Things got worse from there and they decided to get divorced (I guess you just can’t work things out for the kids when the dad has about 19 women all claiming that he hired them for sex acts). And this morning, the divorce was finalized.

And TMZ has learned that when the two of them and their attorneys all got together to sign, seal and deliver the official split, the two didn’t say one word to each other. Not even “hi.”

TMZ says that they decided to keep their distance and stand with their lawyers instead. Maybe Elin wanted to stand next to her new pile of cash. How great would it have been if Tiger brought a real trashy-looking prostitute with him? Affectation? Photo ops?

Hank Haney, who has been the swing coach for Tiger Woods the past six years, has resigned from that position. There has been speculation for some time that Tiger would be telling Haney to get lost, but it seems that Haney has taken the initiative and stepped down.

Chances are, Haney is just sick and tired of the circus that is Tiger Woods’ life these days. We don’t know for sure what the reason, but we like to make wild guesses whenever possible.

“I have informed Tiger Woods this evening that I will no longer be his coach,” Haney said in a statement. “I would like to thank Tiger for the opportunity that I have had to work with him over the past 6 plus years. Tiger Woods has done the work to achieve a level of greatness that I believe the game of golf has never seen before and I will always appreciate the opportunity that I have had to contribute to his successes. I have also enjoyed the association that I have had with Tiger both on and off the golf course as I have had some incredible experiences.

“In coaching and teaching Tiger I have also learned a lot, not only about golf, but about people and life in general. It has been a great learning experience and along the way Tiger has elevated me in my own profession to a level that I never thought I would achieve before I had the opportunity to work with him. In many ways because of all the time I have spent with Tiger, I may have learned more from him than he has ever learned from me.

“However, I believe at this time that it is in both of our best interests for me to step aside as Tiger’s coach. I will always look back upon our past half dozen years together as my best days in professional golf. It would be a dream of any coach to have a student like Tiger woods and for me it has come true. Just so there is no confusion I would like to make it clear that this is my decision. I know Tiger Woods will be successful in the future no matter who helps him. He is an incredible athlete with an incredible work ethic.

“As we all know, Tiger has been through a lot in the past six months, and I really believe that given the chance, mind free and injury free, we will all see Tiger Woods play once again like we all know he can. I wish Tiger well, not only with his golf, but in finding peace and happiness in all aspects of his life. Tiger knows that if he ever needs me in any way, whether it be with his golf or just as a friend he can always call. I will always, as I have been in the past, be there for him. From a personal standpoint, I look forward to being able to make many more contributions to the great game of golf in the days and years ahead.”

Look for Tiger to become a mess and start shanking balls in all directions. We’d be surprised if he ever plays golf again.

Sources tell our pals at TMZ that Tiger Woods has hired attorney Thomas Sasser of West Palm Beach, Florida as he prepares for a custody battle with wife Elin. Sasser is apparently an expert in international custody battles. We’d imagine that he works for a relatively low rate.

So if you hadn’t heard yet, Tiger is getting a divorce.

TMZ is hearing that Elin wants to take the two kids with her to Sweden, but that Tiger would still have custody and visitation rights. They also hear that there are numerous other business people and attorneys on Tiger’s team, but that Sasser is the key figure in what is likely the key issue – child custody.

The goal apparently is to work out a settlement between Elin and Tiger before official divorce papers were filed. Sasser declined to confirm or deny to TMZ whether or not he’s working with Tiger. Which means he is.

SIDE NOTE: Anyone else notice that Ben Roethlisberger has made Tiger Woods seem like some teenager whose boldest move with girls is to try to slide his hands south of the equator while slow dancing at a school dance?

The San Francisco 49ers rewarded linebacker Patrick Willis for outplaying his rookie contract by giving him a five-year, $50 million extension with $29 million in guarantees.

PHOTO CAPTION: “$50 million?  Whatchu talkin’ bout Willis?”

Willis, drafted 11th overall in 2007 out of Ole Miss, led the league this past season with 152 tackles, along with four sacks and three picks.  He’s been a Pro Bowler each year since joining the NFL and is arguably one of the best linebackers in the league.

Willis was given the nickname “Bam-Bam” from the Flinstones by Chad Ochocinco because “he hits everything.”  Ochocinco has also given that nickname to Tiger Woods.

If you didn’t already hear about this, it’s because you probably think watching golf is extremely boring and didn’t care to watch last week’s Masters. We didn’t either. It seems that it was a big deal that Tiger Woods let out a few expletives that were caught on television. We understand the part about not wanting that stuff on TV, but some people were upset that he even got pissed off. Hello? Have you ever played golf before? When you aren’t swinging wildly, taking a sip of your Old Milwaukee or searching for your ball in the woods, you are yelling and cursing. It’s part of the game.

But it seems that CBS announcer Jim Nantz really didn’t appreciate the outbursts and expletives. He went on WFAN in New York with Mike Francessa to talk about it.

“If I said what he said on the air, I would be fired,” Nantz said. “I read in the USA Today and it was called “mild language.” Someone on my broadcast dismissed it as him having a camera in his face. Well, guess what? Phil Mickelson had a camera in his face all week and did you even hear him come close to approaching that? He didn’t hit every shot the way he wanted. Have you ever heard Arnold Palmer or Jack Nicklaus use that kind of language? What are the parameters between what’s right or wrong?”

Fair enough, but when you put microphones on athletes while they are performing, this stuff is going to happen. And in case you missed one of the incidents, we found it for you on Youtube:

As expected, The Philadelphia Phillies will send closer Brad Lidge and reliever J.C. Romero to the 15-day Mark Prior list to the start the season.

Brad Lidge is recovering from a surgically repaired right elbow that he hurt at his home late last year.  During a storm, rain was getting inside the house because all the windows were up.  He injured his elbow trying to close them, which he wasn’t able to do.

PHOTO CAPTION: Phil Mickleson reveals the new Philadelphia Phillies jerseys

J.C. Romero had left elbow surgery in October, but made his first appearance of spring training in a minor league game earlier this week.

Unexpectedly, Joey “Cheeseburger” Blanton will start the season on the Mark Prior list with a mild left oblique strain that could sideline him for three to six weeks.  He suffered the injury while throwing a side session on Wednesday.  A side session for Blanton is a completely different thing than a Jesse James’ or a Tiger Wood’s side session.

This interview was certainly enlightening. Kelly Tilghman of the Golf Channel gets a chance to sit down and talk with Tiger Woods. She really was able to dig in, and fire several huge blasts of softball questions that one of his children could have answered.

You know what? We really wish Tiger would stop all the nonsense and stop lying to everyone. We don’t care what he did, that’s between his wife and him. But, why did he really do it? We know the answer: Because it was fun as hell.

If he didn’t get caught, he’d be doing the same thing. Just like Michael Vick with the dog fighting, he isn’t sorry that he did these things, he’s sorry he got caught. The biggest crime he committed was getting married and committing to someone. If he did all of this stuff while he was single, no one would have batted an eye. And we’ve got news for you, all the people that are criticizing him for screwing around, they wish they could have done the same thing.

But of course, these people aren’t good looking enough, not famous enough, not rich enough, to pull off what Tiger did. It’s really easy to criticize Tiger for doing this, but you better make sure your own closet is clean. There are a lot of people going after Tiger when they are doing the same crap, they just haven’t gotten caught yet.

So here it is, the interview with the Golf Channel. All we want is for people to stop pretending they are holier than thou, and for Tiger to just say what every man in America is thinking: Yeah, that stuff was fun. I didn’t do it because it was torture.

KT: Tiger, you’ve been a master of control your entire life, how did things get so out of control?

TW: Going against your core values, losing sight of it. I quit meditating, I quit being a Buddhist, and my life changed upside down. I felt entitled, which I had never felt before. Consequently, I hurt so many people by my own reckless attitude and behavior.

KT: Were there moments you thought you should stop, but didn’t?

TW: Yeah, I tried to stop and I couldn’t stop. It was just, it was horrific.

KT: For a man who’s so disciplined physically and psychologically, why couldn’t you say no?

TW: I don’t know, now I know. It’s part of what I learned in treatment, being there for 45 days you learn a lot. You strip away the denial, the rationalization and you come to the truth and the truth is very painful at times and to stare at yourself and look at the person you’ve become…you become disgusted.

KT: The Masters is a demanding stage on its own, let alone for a return of this magnitude, how do you know you’re mentally prepared for this?

TW: I’m excited to get back and play. I miss the game. I miss playing, I miss competing. I wasn’t ready to play in Tavistock or play in Bay Hill, I expressed that to Joe [Lewis, Tavistock Group chairman] as well as Arnold [Palmer]. I want to play in these events but I just wasn’t ready. I started too late with my preparation. Hank and I are starting to work now and start to get it going.

KT: How do you know you’ll be ready for the Masters?

TW: I’m starting to get my feel back. I know how to play the golf course and that helps a lot. I just got to play it.

KT: How will your therapy affect your 2010 schedule? I’m assuming you’ll have more in-patient therapy ahead.

TW: Yeah, I will have more treatment, more therapy sessions. As far as my schedule going forward, I don’t know what I’m going to do, Kelly. Last year I didn’t know because of my knee; it was still uncertain, and this year, with all the things that I’ve done I don’t know what I’ll be doing either. That to me is a little bit bothersome, too, in a sense that I don’t like not knowing what to do, but what I know I have to do is become a better person and that begins with going to more treatment.

KT: You went from becoming recognized as the greatest golfer in the world to becoming a punch line. How did that make you feel?

TW: It was hurtful, but then again you know what, I did it. I’m the one who did those things and looking back on it now with a more clear head, I get it. I can understand why people will say these things because you know what, it was disgusting behavior. As a person, it’s hard to believe that was me, looking back on it now.

KT: America was concerned when the world’s greatest golfer was lying on the ground with no shoes at 2:30 in the morning, bleeding, what happened that night?

TW: It’s all in the police report, they investigated it and they have it on public record; there’s a lot of stuff between Elin and I that will remain private and that’s about it.

KT: How did you crash the car?

TW: I wasn’t going very fast, but unfortunately, I hit a few things.

KT: It’s been reported that members of your team, your inner circle were involved in your misdoings, is it true?

TW: That is not true; it was all me. I’m the one who did it, I’m the one who acted the way I acted, no one knew what was going on. I’m sure if more people would have known in my inner circle they would’ve, they would’ve stopped it … or tried to put a stop to it, but I kept it all to myself.

KT: What is the state of your marriage with Elin right now?

TW: We’re working on it and it’s a process that will remain private between her and I.

KT: If your father were here today and looked back on these last four months, what would he say to you?

TW: He’d be very disappointed in me. We’d have numerous long talks. That’s one of the things I miss, I miss his guidance, wish I could have had his guidance through all this to have him help straighten me up. I know he would’ve done it.

KT: What do you think he would say?

TW: Can’t say it on air but he would’ve been very direct. Basically said, you need to get your life headed in the right direction again.

KT: For the 12-year-olds and the parents out there who looked at you as a role model, what do you have to say to them to make them believe in you again?

TW: It’s going to be over time. It’s going to be my actions over time. I’m trying to become a better person each and every day. The proof in the pudding is over time and that’s what I’m trying to do. I will continue to do that.

KT: How will you explain this to your children, one day when they’re old enough to understand?

TW: I will have that sit-down talk and it won’t be just one time, I know that. It will be numerous times and I take full ownership of it, I did it. No one else did; it was just me and that’s a responsibility that I will have. I will talk to my kids, for however long they want to talk about it. That is a conversation that will need to be had.

KT: Based on all that has transpired, what do you want your legacy to be when all is said and done?

TW: Just like I wanted before. I felt that golf was a vehicle for me to help a lot of people. My dad had always said something that I never really quite understood until these times. In order to help other people, you first have to learn how to help yourself. Going into a treatment center for 45 days, I learned a lot. I learned how to help myself and that’s the way I can help others down the road.

KT: I noticed you’re wearing a bracelet, can we see it?

TW: Yeah.

KT: What does it mean?

TW: It’s Buddhist, it’s for protection and strength and I certainly need that.

KT: When did you start wearing it?

TW: Before I went into treatment.

KT: Will you be wearing it during the Masters?

TW: Absolutely.

KT: For the rest of your life?

TW: Absolutely.

KT: Tiger, thank you.

TW: Thanks, Kel.

The Orlando Sentinel did some research and found some new evidence in Tiger Woods’ little Thanksgiving mishap. While everyone claims to not care about his case at all, tons of people seem to care. So here are some new things we’ve learned.

-The Florida Highway patrol attempted to get Tiger’s medical records the day after the crash. They were told that it was Friday and that the records department was closed. Okay, so they tried on Monday to do the same thing. They were then told that the computerized filing system was down. Then the hospital told them that they wouldn’t hand over the medical records without a warrant, which was never issued. Sounds to us like they lied the first two times to stall, but we’re sure they do that for everyone regardless of how internationally famous you are.

-Police tried to get video surveillance footage from Tiger Woods’ home. But, his lawyer kept telling them that he didn’t know how to access the video system. Apparently no one on the planet knows how to do it because no video evidence was ever turned over.

-On the night of the crash, Elin showed responding EMT’s two bottles of Vicatin that Tiger had taken earlier in the day. Didn’t we hear about that already?

-After the accident, Elin drove to the scene of the accident in a golf cart, even though it was only 150 feet away. Maybe that’s why she used the nine iron? Should have used a wedge?

-When troopers showed up after the crash, Elin told them that Tiger was sleeping and that she wouldn’t answer any questions without her husband present. She then just turned and walked away, leaving the police standing by themselves in their mansion. That seems appropriate.

So yeah, this is about all the information we have right now. This is odd to say the least. We can’t wait for Elin’s book to find out all the details.

A source tells the Associated Press that Tiger Woods is back at his home near Orlando after a week of family counseling in Arizona. He is trying to get back into a routine that involves golf and fitness…..and no hookers.

Woods got back to his home on Saturday and has been hitting balls at Isleworth, which isn’t far from his home. Supposedly, he’s been practicing without the help of hookers. The source said that there is still no timetable on when he will return to the tour.

Nike brand president Charlie Denson has said that the company will stick by Tiger Woods as he continues to go through a huge mess in personal life. We aren’t sure if you heard, but Tiger was involved in a car accident outside of his home in November and then all of a sudden 17 strippers all came out and said they had affairs with him. That sounds like an accurate roundup, right?

“Under the circumstances, the more he deals with the issues and the better he deals with them, the better off he’ll be when he does return,” Denson told The Associated Press.

Tiger should count his blessings on this one. Most corporate sponsors would want nothing to do with him and rightfully so.

“We’ve been supportive of Tiger since the story broke and we continue to be supportive,” Denson said. “He’s got issues he needs to deal with and he’s dealing with them. We are looking forward to him getting back on the golf course. We’ve been in touch with his camp. We’re very comfortable with where he’s at, how he’s dealing with it and we’re looking forward to his return.”

We’re sure that his sex addict therapy will do the trick. He’ll be good as new and now won’t want to ever bang any hot strippers that throw themselves at him in nightclubs.

Tiger Woods will be making his first public appearance, since completely screwing up his personal life, this Friday at the TPC Sawgrass clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida.

PHOTO CAPTION: Tiger Woods in the woods looking for a tiger

Woods is set to take the podium at 8 a.m. PT and will deliver a very short statement to apologize for his infidelity.  The statement will be written by his publicist, but it will come from deep inside Tigers’ heart.  Woods will not be fielding any questions, because he will get completely destroyed if he does.

Attendance also will be limited to “a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates,” according to a two-paragraph statement sent via e-mail.  Jesper Parnevik will not be amongst the group.

Just when you think the Tiger Woods story couldn’t get any worse, Italian model Loredana Jolie Ferriolo is claiming to have witnessed Woods participating in gay encounters and she’s attempting to sell a book about it.

PHOTO CAPTION:  An exclusive photo from Ferriolo’s book shows Tiger engaging in gay sex

Ferriolo told RadarOnline.com that the book would dish details on the golfer’s “healthy appetite for arranged sex, threesomes, girls next door, girl-girl, and an answer to all the rumors surrounding Woods’ sexuality.”

Who would buy this book?  Let’s be honest, Tiger Woods is an ugly man.  If it wasn’t for golf, Tiger would most likely be dating a fat chick.  Not that there is anything wrong with fat chicks, but they are fat.  Nobody really wants to think about Tiger Woods having sex, especially with men.  Well, except for maybe some fat chicks.  In conclusion, the target audience for this book will be fat chicks.

PHOTO CAPTION:  “I’ll be first in line”

Sources tell TMZ that Tiger Woods’ alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel has been receiving death threats. A number of people have gotten a hold of a cell phone number that is on a 2001 picture that has been making the rounds. That number redirected people to her current cell phone so that they could tell her that they wanted to kill her. Nice.

TMZ is told that some people have said that they are going to hunt her down and kill her in New York. Isn’t that sweet?

Apparently, people have tracked her down on her Facebook page and made threats there too. She has since shut down her Facebook page.

Photo Caption: Uchitel is prepared to defend herself with what she calls “a very sharp #2 pencil.”

C’mon, people. This is none of your business and doesn’t involve you in any way. Grow the hell up.

Gillette said Saturday that they planned on “limiting” Tiger Woods’ role in their marketing campaign after he admitted to infidelity and stepped back from golfing for the time being. They said they want to give him the privacy he needs to be with his family and blah blah blah.

“In the midst of a difficult and unfortunate situation, we respect the action Tiger is taking to restore the trust of his family, friends and fans,” Gillette spokesman Mike Norton said in the statement. “We fully support him stepping back from his professional career and taking the time he needs to do what matters most. We wish him and his family the best.

“As Tiger takes a break from the public eye, we will support his desire for privacy by limiting his role in our marketing programs,” Norton said.

Yep, it’s got nothing to do with the fact that as of now, he’s toxic to any marketing campaign. Although, if I was selling razors, I’d want to put the guy out there whose clean shave got him laid constantly. Isn’t that what brands essentially try to sell to us anyway? Maybe Tiger is a battle-tested in this area.

In general though, his sponsors are pulling back even if they claim that they aren’t. Haven’t seen a Tiger Woods television commercial in some time.

This is shocking. Golfer Tiger Woods will not be receiving the Congressional Gold Medal from Congress as was originally planned by California representative (D) Joe Baca. It’s not clear just why the representative bailed on his plan to give him the award or what might have triggered the sudden decision to halt the award-giving process.

In a statement, Baca said “In light of the recent developments surrounding Tiger Woods and his family, I will not pursue legislation awarding him the Congressional Gold Medal this session.”

Baca apparently has some kind of insider information. OTR has done extensive Google searches and can’t find any inkling of what Baca might be referring to. Is it because Tiger isn’t playing any more tournaments this year? We guess that could be it.

Photo Caption: Tiger demonstrates what he would do with the Congressional Gold Medal if he actually won it. Unseen in the background is a proud Elin.

Baca introduced the legislation in March, which would give Woods the highest honor possible for a civilian. The bill states, “To provide for the award of a gold medal on behalf of the Congress to Tiger Woods, in recognition of his service to the Nation in promoting excellence and good sportsmanship, and in breaking barriers with grace and dignity by showing that golf is a sport for all people.”

Right, so what is the problem? We’re thinking that some sort of news might come to light. That’s the thing with being a high-ranking national politician, you are privy to news and information that we normal folk aren’t.

One theory that we have as to why Tiger might not get the award, is that Representative Baca realized that we have two wars going on, a real estate crisis and an economy that is in the dumper. We think he finally noticed all this and realized that this isn’t the time to be giving out stupid awards to a douchebag that does great things with other rich people at country clubs. Just a thought.

Stay tuned. We’ll see if any Tiger Woods news surfaces so we can find out just what he’s talking about.

A source tells the Chicago Sun Times that Elin Woods has moved out of Tiger’s home.

The source said, ‘‘Elin has been taking a bit of a break, but Tiger and his team are still hopeful she won’t leave permanently.”

It wouldn’t surprise us if this is the case. How many chicks can come out and claim an affair with your husband before you just can’t take it anymore?

Photo Caption: Please don’t move out.

Jesus Christ, when does it stop? We simply can’t keep up with everything. Now, TMZ is reporting that there was a 911 call to Tiger Woods’ home last night.

Here is what TMZ has to say on the matter:

Here’s what we now confirm as the latest. A middle-aged, blond woman was taken to the hospital early this morning. We have now confirmed the call came from Tiger’s address. The spokesperson for Orange County Fire initially said the 911 call came from Tiger’s home but for some reason she later backed off that statement and said it might not be the same address. But, it is indeed Tiger’s address. We also know a younger blond woman followed the ambulance to the hospital. And, as we reported, Elin’s mom is in the U.S. to be with her daughter.

So yeah, we have no clue what the hell is going on. Stay tuned….as always.

UPDATE: The woman is Elin’s mother, Barbro Holmberg, a Swedish politician. She is said to be in “stable condition” and is undergoing evaluation.

Sources tell TMZ that Tiger Woods was admitted to the hospital the day after Thanksgiving (you know….the whole car accident thing) as an overdose patient. TMZ sources said that he was admitted with an “OD” on his chart and that he was having trouble breathing.

The celebrity gossip site is told that the entire fifth floor was on lockdown and that he was admitted under the alias William Smith.

According to sources, Tiger was in and out of consciousness and needed a breathing tube to help with, you guessed it, breathing.

So, it seems that he was indeed messed up on Vicodin and Ambien. That would explain the poor driving. That would also help explain why the more and more we hear about this situation, the more and more it’s clear why Tiger and his family don’t want to talk about it.

Ok, this is officially hysterical. A seventh woman has now been outed as a sexual partner of Tiger Woods. 36-year old porn star Holly Sampson has been linked to having relations with the golf champ and won’t deny it.

“She has no comment on the matter,” Sampson’s Denver-based lawyer Andrew Contiguglia told The New York Daily News.

This is shocking because we would have thought that Holly Sampson was cut from a higher moral fabric than this. Just because you’d do the Dirty Sanchez on film doesn’t necessarily mean that you’d hook up with a married guy. We’re a bit disappointed.

Photo Caption: With all due apologies to our fiancee…..sorry, but if the situation arose where this was a…..well……you know……it’s just that……we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it? It looks like a really, really, really fun bridge to cross?

Meanwhile, girl #6, Cori Rist, is dealing with being outed as well.

“My involvement with Tiger Woods has just surfaced,” she said, according to a pal.

Woods allegedly met Rist at NYC hotspot Butter, which we’ve never been to because we aren’t VIP enough.

“They went on to another party,” an insider told The NY Daily News. “One thing led to another, and, pretty soon, Tiger was flying her to hook up with him on tour.”

And it became more than that. Oh….much, much more than that.

“Tiger would typically get a large suite at a hotel. Someone would book Cori an adjacent room, so she wouldn’t be seen coming into his room,” an insider told Rush and Molloy.

“He would get the presidential suite,” the source continued. “It was the ultimate in luxury. The trouble is, he never wanted to leave the room.”

No one has come out and said it, but OTR thinks they did it. On more than one occasion. One could infer from these quotes that they hung out and maybe even played video games, bought Def Leppard t-shirts or watched movies. But we think more happened. That’s right, we think they did it. And when we say it, we mean it.

When you are the Jacksonville Jaguars and have severe problems drawing attendance, you have to think of something to entertain the crowd. Well, this week, they decided to have some fun with Tiger Woods. You can say it was in poor taste, but so what. This is what happens when you are a celebrity. This is the downside to being worth a jillion dollars.

Ok, this is getting out of hand. According to TMZ, a fourth woman is claiming that she had an affair with golfer Tiger Woods. Either there are some serious, serious opportunistic women out there (entirely possible), or Tiger has a major problem keeping his clubs in his bag.

TMZ has learned that this former Orlando cocktail server has hired local attorney Michael O’Quinn. The celebrity gossip site is told that she claims that the affair started in 2004 when she was 20-years old and that it lasted for more than two years.

As always….stay tuned.

Gloria Allred pretty much never cancels a press conference (never in her career has she done it). Well, today she did. She canceled the presser (industry term) for Rachel Uchitel, this broad that Tiger Woods was allegedly tapping.

Rumors are running rampant and sources tell TMZ that Rachel spoke with Tiger as recently as last night in what has to be some sort of an agreement to keep quiet. TMZ says they know that she and Tiger planned to play the denial card from the beginning.

There have been reports of a “take this money and shut the F up” deal, but TMZ can neither confirm nor deny those reports.

We think it’s in Tiger and Elin’s best interests for this chick not to talk. Or the handful of other girls that claim to have had affairs with the golf champ. All this confirms what we all suspected for years, that Tiger is a master at putting it in the hole.

Before Elin Nordegren was Tiger Woods’ wife, she was an au pair for Jesper Parnevik and his wife Mia.  At the 2001 British Open, Jesper introduced Elin to Tiger, something that he definitely regrets.

“I feel really sorry for Elin — since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him,” Parnevik said Wednesday after finishing first-round play at the PGA Tour’s final-stage of qualifying being held at Bear Lakes Country Club.  “We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron.”

We understand what Jesper was trying to say, but OTR believes a 3 iron would do a lot more damage than a driver.

In November 2003, Woods and Nordegren became officially engaged when Woods proposed at the luxury Shamwari Game Reserve while they attended the Presidents Cup in South Africa. On October 5, 2004, they were married by the 19th hole at the Sandy Lane resort in Barbados.

Parnevik’s statements are stemming from a Tiger Woods statement which hinted he was unfaithful to his wife.

The Florida Highway Patrol has finally said enough is a enough, like everyone else in this world should, and has charged Tiger Woods with careless driving after getting beat in the face with a golf club by his wife.

PHOTO CAPTION:  A tool used to save a loved one, who is in the front seat of an SUV, by smashing the back window

The ticket will be no greater than $164 and four points will be assessed against Wood’s driving record.

This has finally concluded one of the most bizarre events that has ever happened and the FHP has completed its investigation.

There is no news whether Tiger Woods attended Taco Night this evening.  Reports are indicating his split lip might not be able to handle the spices.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ that Tiger Woods didn’t bleed inside of his Cadillac Escalade – not a single drop.

When police arrived, Tiger had a pretty good split lip, but there was no blood in the vehicle. Tiger’s wife, Elin, told police that she had knocked out the back window of the SUV so she could unlock the door to get Tiger out. Yet…no blood in the vehicle.

All of this could go away if Tiger would just clear everything up and set the record straight. He could talk to the police and get all of this straightened out. He said in a statement several days ago that he didn’t like all the rumors and speculation. Well, what the hell did you think would happen when something this bizarre occurs and you won’t talk to anyone about it. The silence and ducking of police makes it all much weirder.

The Florida Highway Patrol said recently that they are in fact not looking to secure a warrant to get a hold of medical records. But, TMZ is sticking by their previous assertion that they are indeed trying to get a hold of those.

According to TMZ, there are two sets of charges on the table if the FHP is able to get the proper evidence (including surveillance video which no one seems to have). One is that Elin could be hit with domestic violence charges. OTR thinks it could be worse if it’s proven that she clocked him with a golf club. Wouldn’t that be assault with a deadly weapon? Wouldn’t it be ironic? Especially if he had died from the wounds. Then, the very item with which he was able to purchase this kickass house and bang this hot-ass broad would have also been used to ruin him. But, we digress.

There are also potential charges of DUI or something because he may have been on pain medication. But supposedly under Florida law it’s tough to get those charges when there is no one to say that they saw him behind the wheel and driving. So, whatever. We guess the driving-with-no-shoes law would be tough to prove then too.

Wow, the Tiger Woods news just doesn’t stop, huh? He is now canceling his appearance in his own tournament, the Chevron World Challenge in California.

“I am extremely disappointed that I will not be at my tournament this week,” Woods said. “I am certain it will be an outstanding event and I’m very sorry that I can’t be there.”

He also canceled the pre-tourney press conference (not surprising) that usually goes with it. He’s still dealing with injuries from a bizarre, early-morning car accident the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Florida State Police say that the investigation into the crash “is ongoing and charges are pending.”

“Woods will not participate in any other tournaments in 2009 and will return to action next year,” the statement on his website said.

We can’t believe that no one has floated the idea that Tiger was just rushing off to get to the Best Buy’s and Walmart’s in the area to take advantage of big holiday savings on all of his favorite HDTV’s and iPods.

We aren’t sure how Tiger Woods can continue to avoid talking to police. TMZ has even gotten a hold of some eyewitness testimony from the crash scene. When paramedics arrived, he had a pretty good cut on his lip.

At the scene, Tiger was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and no shoes. It is illegal in Florida to drive without shoes. Uh oh.

Photo Caption: Yabos.

Tiger was barely conscious at the scene according to witnesses and police asked his wife, Elin Nordegren, if he was on any medications. She ran into the house to get two pill bottles but said she wasn’t sure when he took them last.

Elin was supposedly extremely upset and was told twice by paramedics to stand back.

As always, stay tuned on this one. This is definitely not over.

Tiger Woods has finally spoken. Not to police, the people he should be talking to about this ludicrous incident in which he ran over a fire hydrant, hit a tree and police found him with his golf-clubbing-holding wife. He spoke out on his website.

“This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me,” Woods said. “I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

This was all posted shortly after Woods said he didn’t want to talk to Florida troopers for the third-straight day.

Photo Caption: In a separate incident, Tiger defends himself from a hard-charging Elin, who is clutching a five iron and screaming.

“Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible,” Woods said. “The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.”

But, there are still a bunch of questions that the police might like answered. Where were you going at that hour? Why were your windows in the back smashed (and don’t start with the “my wife smashed them to get me out” crap)? If it was such a harmless mistake, why won’t you talk to the cops and tell them what happened?

Tiger doesn’t want to talk about it but he doesn’t want people spreading rumors. Well, when you don’t set the record straight and provide clear answers as to what was going on, people are going to speculate and rumors will fly. That’s just the way it is.

We happen to think the mafia was involved and this is all an elaborate cover up for Tiger’s involvement with the illegal selling of firearms to the Taliban.